Bad jeans, good genes

Ok, so I've got this problem.  I can't shake it.  I've had it for years--half my life really.  About once a year, I must--MUST--buy a pair of jeans that are too short.  I simply cannot not do it. 

You see, ever since...well...puberty, I've been 5'10" with a 33" inseam.  When I was in high school (the days pre-girls having things called "boyfriend" jeans), women's jeans had a 30", maybe 31", inseam.  Apparently it was a time before any female was tall.  Even your pickings out of the J.C. Penney catalog were slim for talls.  This was torture for the longest time.  There were the kids who were tortured by being in the closet, those who were taunted for being overweight, those who were shunned for talking about sci-fi and being generally odd, and then there was me, carrying the burden of internalized difference b/c of my too-short jeans.

And then I discovered men's jeans.  I became excited to buy jeans for the first time in my teen life.  They were amazing (shout out to foolery!).  Truly, they relieved one of the many layers of insecurity that plagued my high school self.   I was free, for the first time, to focus on my multiple other insecurities.  Those were the days.

But then things gradually became easier for us amazon women.  Finally--and thank the heavens--low rise jeans become not just available but popular for women.  So much so that you're hard pressed these days finding jeans that will cover your crack completely or not reveal your underwear to your six year old when you crouch down unless you opt for the mom jeans with the 91" rise.  And with low rise jeans came length.  Glorious length.

Still--and this no doubt makes me a contender for TLC's What Not to Wear--I often prefer men's jeans.  Since I hate shopping, I can walk up to the pile of jeans, grab 32"/34" every time, and almost always be able to wear them.  And those few times I cannot wear them, I wear them anyway. 

There's a catch, though.  This, it seems, is the most average size of college-age boys, and I live in a college town. 

I'm a college boy, in other words, fighting with other college boys for the same 32"/34" cheap jeans.  (FYI: google imaging "college boys" will not bring up a list of college boys with their jeans on.)  I'm not as spry as those college boys, however, and I often miss out, being left with the more unique sizes.  45"/30" or 7.5"/48".  My downfall is the 32"/32".  I fall off the wagon once a year b/c of this size. 

No matter how many times I resolve never, ever to buy another pair of 32"/32", at least until I start my old-woman shrinking, I waver.  Babes in tow, other daily chores still to get done, snow falling perpetually making the country roads less passable, I grab these out of frustration and in haste.  The disastrous results are always the same

and yet each time I am still surprised.  But I guess that's what makes life enjoyable--the little surprises around every corner.

Comments

[Hallie]

Please, please, please stop this insanity!!!

Short pants are one of my biggest pet peeves!!

What would Stacey and Clinton say? You can can NOT continue this behavior!! I am dying a small death inside!!

Hallie
http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com/

[Annie]

Pair those short jeans with your knee highs and you have a fashion statement.

[Asthmagirl]

I'm laughing because we're distantly related. I'm not as tall as you, but 3/4 of my height is in my legs. Which means no jeans fit...ever.

[Foolery]

I prefer to think of it as activist behavior against the old sexist notion that women's ankles must never show. So what if we're 150 years behind? Still activists. GO TALL GIRLS GO!

And I have a hard time wearing men's jeans, though it does solve the length problem. When I find a pair of men's jeans to fit my enormous hiney, you could stack cord wood under the waist band around my (RELATIVELY) waspish waist.

After all, they're just ankles, fer cryin' out loud in a bucket!

[Jane]

I'm 5'2" and even the petites at Ann Taylor are a good 4" too long for me, when wearing my tallest boots. I've just learned to take my jeans straight from the store to my mom's house, and she hems them for me. That's how I learned that I have one leg that is 1/2" longer than the other.

[Jessica]

Well, you can always save them for when your an old lady and you shrink a bit. :-)
I love the line "and focus on my other insecurities". Ain't it the truth?!

[Sarah is Ok]

I'm so glad you guys come by here!
Hallie, I'm so sorry--a small death inside! I promise, I only wear them at home. And home is in the wide open country so no one sees me. Except anyone who happens across this blog.
Annie, that just might be what could get me a $5,ooo shopping spree on What Not to Wear!
Asthmagirl, I hate to say it, but I'm glad somebody out there feels my pain. No pants. Ever. Sucks.
Foolery, I just love you. Thinking of myself as an activist makes me suddenly not so lazy. I've even ridden a bike before too. I'm a regular ol' Susan B. Anthony.
Jane, that is some truly vital information. I have no idea if one of my legs is longer (or shorter!) than the other.
And Jessica, what a great idea. I can be a totally hip g-ma with my granny crack hanging out the top but my socks won't be showing at the bottom!

[jessicab]

When I read "Stop the Insanity" I immediately knew it was Hallie. I thought of her once this weekend when I was wearing a pair of holey socks.

You are definitely styling in those jeans.

[T-Bone]

I, being male, am short and have problems finding pants with my waste and a short inseam. I usually wear 32/30's but they are even a little too long. I just can't seam to find my inseam.

[Bogart in P-Towne]

Nice socks...and, don't feel too bad, my mother is 6'1 and wears a size 11 in men's shoes. Know the best place to find shoes that big for a woman...or clothes for ladies that are made for those of you north of 5'10?

San Francisco. I kid you not.